This page is not done yet. WordPress’ posting thingy sucks hard. It won’t let me do what I want to do.
I own too many vehicles. This page is dedicated to them. They are the fleet.
1996 Suzuki X-90 4×4
Cute, ain't it?
This be my car…currently. It’s tiny and Japanese. It’s a little out of character for me to buy a car that isn’t a VW, but I fell in love with how goofy it was. They only imported 7,205 of them into the US, so don’t be surprised if you’ve never seen one. It’s got 2 seats, 4 wheel drive, and fuckin’ T-Tops. That’s right. T-Tops. It’s ok to be jealous. Nothing allows your mullet to blow in the wind quite like a set of T-Tops. This car is widely considered to be a flop, and is even included in a book I have called “Worst Cars Ever”. I think it looks like a fat puppy, and everyone likes fat puppies, whether they want to admit it or not.
1972 Honda C70 K1
It's the yellow one.
The Honda Cub was deemed the #1 motorcycle of all time in a documentary on the Discovery Channel. Mine ugly and yellow and old. I paid $25 dollars for it, and then put an embarrassing amount of money into making it complete and running.
1982 Yamaha XS650H Special II
XS is for Xsessive
There’s not much to say about this bike. It’s bland, normal, and in no way extraordinary. The gas tank is plum colored. I am comfortable with this.
1974 Honda XL70
Xtra Large? More like Xceedingly Limited.
It was $50. I couldn’t say no. It lives in my shed waiting to join with the box of parts I’ve been collecting to form the ultimate in tiny, ridiculous, orange, dirtbikey motorcycleage. Yes, I made up those words. Yes, my tiny car pulls a trailer.
1983 Yamaha XC180K Riva
Twins!
I used to have two of these things. I sold the blue one to some guy from Canada. It looks kind of like a Vespa. Some folks think guys who ride Harleys have big nuts. I think it takes considerably bigger nuts to drive 80mph on 10″ tires. The sticker under the license plate reads “Do I look Like A Motherfucking Role Model?”. I thought this appropriate when I drove it all through college with my dreadlocks hanging out the back of my helmet. It is the definition of Bad-Ass.
Trailer
I own a 4′x8′ trailer specifically to haul around broken motorcycles. It currently keeps a patch of my yard next to the shed from floating away. Partially shown above in the XL70 picture hooked up to my car.
Sunken Ships
Some of the other stuff I’ve owned and since un-owned:
1987 Toyota Van LE 4×4 – My first vehicle. It was rusty and brown and didn’t have a working heater. It had a railroad tie for a rear bumper and a baby doll head for a shifter. At some point, someone spraypainted “YOU SUCK” on the side. I left it there…mostly because I suck. Un-owned because I rolled it in a blizzard in New York my freshman year in college. Sad Day.
1981 VW Rabbit Pickup – It was orange and stupid looking. It was slow and broke often. I loved it. What a neat little truck this thing was. Un-owned because I got sick of fixing the damn thing. Also it was rusted out.
1991 VW Fox – Bought for $200. Drove for a year. Sold for $200. Un-owned because I’m an asshole. Should’ve never sold this car. It was economical, cheap to maintain, ran great, and it was hilarious. Made in Brazil, though it did not run on bananas, sadly.
1986 Audi 5000CS Turbo Quatro – This car only lasted me like a month. I wrecked the damn thing because some bastard spilled diesel fuel all
over the road. Insurance company cut me a check for the car. I was pissed.
1986 Audi 5000CS Turbo Quatro Avant – This is what I bought with the check from the insurance company. Same car, only in station wagon form. This car was FAST. Guy who owned it before me put a chip and a bigger turbo in it. Only car I’ve ever exceeded 130mph in. Scary Fast. Un-Owned because it ate gas and it wouldn’t pass the emissions inspection.
1983 Yamaha XC180K Riva – See Above
1989 Cadillac Seville – My buddy’s dad gave it to me for free in highschool because it didn’t work. I planned on fixing it, but never did. It
eventually was thrown away. As I recall, it was pink.
